The war

The other day I was working for someone and she kept on stating, you are effeminate and I must admit somewhere in her head, she wondered why it did not bother me. I will say why, “It is not my fault, why should it bother me?” 

I am a son to a single parent, raised by four strong women: My mother, grandmother, aunt (took me through high school) and my spiritual authority, you guessed right, a woman. So, where were the men? I do have uncles and still they were busy minding their business which was not me, I know, unfortunate.

So what do you expect from me if not to act like the man they curved me to be. I have always stated that I am the guy my friends call when a chic has decided to ignore him and after a few words, she agrees to the advances. I find it easy to work with women because I have understood how they think and how they act what button to push.

I went to campus and here I was all alone, taking on the world and having no one to protect me from it as opposed to having a guardian watching out for what might happen to me. I started interacting with the men I could get in touch with but unfortunately their line of thought repulsed me in to being alone and seeking new male role models without looking at what they have achieved (wealth and whatever else a young boy can identify as success), but the virtues they live by. Thanks to the internet, Tyler Perry, Joel Osteen and a few I will not mention at this time became people I looked up to and still look up to, to become the man I dream of becoming every single day.

I am not complaining but the question is, where are the men to save our boys to become men. Leave the nonsense that a man should carelessly sleep around and engage in not responsible sexual activities and drink themselves stupid to be the latest meme on the internet. I am lucky I had a woman who talked to me about sex and reminded me that a woman is a helper not an object and they are meant to thrive and be protected since they are care takers and rarely abandon dreams and children still to the time they become the best versions of who they can be.

I am comfortable and confident of the man I have become and continue to be. Women, please, we understand you are independent and can do all by yourself but even the strongest person becomes stronger by seeking help. Let your sons hang around responsible male figures and ask your son questions what they did with the man with the time set aside. 

Men, women are taking over, they have gotten to the room, sat at the table, became part of the menu and now trying to find a way to stay on the table and the room. We are decision makers, we put pen to paper, let us raise men who will support women and still maintain the role of being the heads otherwise we cry. Level up!

©Francis Wairimu 

Image Courtesy - Google

Dear Father figure,

As I write this, you must be thinking of January and everything that comes with it. That new project and that other project you want to finish up. Don’t worry, you’ve come a long way and finishing well will happen in the right time.

Back to me, we need to talk… we have complained about negligence of the boy child far too long but again as I always say now and then, ‘call out the man from the boy and he shall appear’. Have you checked at your to do list? Does it have giving back to a young man who never experienced a father’s love? A young man that needs help to keep off from distress that could lead to depression, anger, criminal intent and other harmful situations that could lead to another lost son that could have been a great man of value to the society?

At times I sit and pray that a day will come and I will be able to have someone I will be accountable for, a boy that I will walk with in his journey of realizing who he is and what he is capable of accomplishing. But it would take a lot of sacrifice, for example, it is common sense he needs a shilling or two to look for a job, buy some necessities and save some to develop a culture in him. Instead of lawn mowing myself, it would require me to teach him how to do it and pay him something because as I have learnt, a man feels complete when they can earn from their hard work and after a day of activities. Men were born to hunt, that is why they can see a person they love and pursue the person until they are able to call that person theirs.

Look for a young boy, be it, from the streets, that nephew, that next door single mother’s neighbor son (take her son out with your son and chit chat, with permission from the parent of course)… this things will grow that boy to a responsible man. You might have helped us have the next president or authority in any field respectively that will make a change that will help many. 

Let us not take advantage of the vulnerable. Whoever you believe in be it God, Karma, The Universe etc. will retaliate and you will not like the pay back. Happy New Year and hope we revisit this topic and you will be happy that you are impacting a young man or boy in season. 

And to the boys and young men, be strong and of good courage and remember great things take time. When the time is right, things will work. Keep working hard and dreaming big, things will work and the right relations will appear to make things a reality.

Regards,

©Francis Wairimu

Image courtesy - http://amberrosephotography.net.pininterest.com

The Power of Suggestion

On this one I am not trying to teach you how to raise your son but sharing on something you might have not thought deeply about or simply never heard… I would love to call it “The Power of Suggestion| The Tongue.”

We talk down to the “ugly” saying they go in front of the mirror to say to their reflection “…I am fearfully and wonderfully made” so to feel confident about themselves and probably boost their self-esteem a notch higher. Truth be told, it works, we all know how confident they are compared to the perceived good looking type.

So back to the male specie, whatever you tell them every day as a parent, coworker, mate, partner or whatever he is to you, matters a lot. Whatever you buy that son as a toy has an influence over his character building… it might be a way of making yourself feel good for not being physically there since the bills is not going to foot itself but you are destroying them by what exactly you are getting them from the toy store. There was a time cash was a non-issue at home but one thing is for sure, my parent never bought us machine guns to violent appealing toys that would have created a dangerous urge to own one since your boy here (me) has been in the ghetto long enough to be influenced.

I owned puzzles to brick games that made me more creative to a common critical thinker. Movies had a restriction to the number I could watch in a week and type. I had something called OUTSIDE to play with and not a lot of video games (like hell, who bought the TV set? Good! Now we know who owned the remote and the keys to that cabin space set for the TV that were on lockdown mostly during the day).

House chores were another way laid upon me that brought out the responsible side of me. Please, if you love your son as much as you say it, teach them how to clear the table after eating as young as possible and to clean their socks as they upgrade to more tough tasks with age.

Let them mingle out there with peers. It comes in handy for them to start being street smart. We all know that no class is permanent and never is there an islander (you have to learn how to live with people and how to survive if s*** got real) and all this will not be learnt while locked in the house and movies to video games all day.

Learn to assure any male in your life that they are good at what they are doing and encourage them to get out of their comfort zones and reach for the galaxy and you will be amazed at what they will achieve. There is power in the tongue and what we do to or around these fading species (power of suggestion). Happy Dads month as it comes to a close to all male role models and anyone being a Dad in any way possible. Please be a solution and not a problem.
                                                       ©Francis Wairimu

The underwear phobia 😱

Ha-ha, how are you bro! I know the headline alone got you uneasy but let us talk since “wanaume nikusaidiana,” and call the spade a spade.

So what is it about us men not being okay with the fact that we cannot keep wearing sieves down there? Like is it for suffocation purposes or? If you try stick to a one month 3 pairs of underwear or boxers depending on your taste, it results to a cool 3 USD (300 Kenyan shilling) and two months for some depending on how you take care of them. The reason I say three is because of the extreme cold weather season you will not end up wearing damp underwear. Damp underwear is not good for your health at all. With that in mind three will do the trick.

The hygiene is another factor. Please it is not masculine neither manly to recycle underwear. Recycle jeans and shoes but not your underwear. Why? With the drops of urine times the number of times you visit the toilet, those day dreams because you were teased by your female counter or saw something on the street and you got a spill, the sweat to mention but a few are enough reason you should keep them clean at all cost. Imagine you do not need any effort to do that. Immediately you are done bathing which should be every day, wash your underwear and leave them to dry.

Buying them is another thing I noticed, for goodness sake, it is your boxer| underwear and you will be the one wearing it... so be a man, take time and carefully select them wherever you are buying them. Even if it means buying them from a male vender if it makes you comfortable (o get in touch with me I will connect you to someone who will deliver them to you but at an extra cost depending on where you are located). Some of you buy them as if you are at hells shop buying sin and do not want anyone to see yet it is evident why you are standing there at that given moment. So, take your time, select wisely because in order for you to feel confident outside you must be confidently dressed inside especially if you are going to sag and show them to everyone, let them be worth the stare. Have fun when shopping for those underwear since the hold the most important properties we could own and all free given by God.

Understand your size. Don’t wear too tight, it is not doing you any justice any given way. Let them hug but not squeeze and try stick to cotton especially with the sweat production down there, nobody has the time and energy to carry a towel and cotton sucks it all in (the more reason not to recycle them). Love yourself and do some research on what fits your needs and worth deserving to hold your goodies all day.

Experiment. Please here is a link to a glossary on different types of underwear out there since sometimes when getting ready you look at some fabrics and wonder if you should go commando just to avoid some funny traces while rocking a dapper to classic look. Good news! You do not have to go commando just to look awesome.

Send in your questions and drop your comments on any other topic you need help on as a dude. And also to the ladies, I know some of you are reading this and hiding while at it-you too can ask on anything to help better us brothers out here to look and act good for you.

                                                             ©Francis Wairimu 

Father’s *

We made a whole lot of noise about mother’s day… but does it mean that Dads do not matter? Well, it is Dads’ month so let us talk about this fragile person. Well yes, science has proved that men are pretty much sensitive and emotional and the reason some of you will cast a NO! At me is simply coz it is another fact that they are good at hiding the two.

A father is someone who believes that by donating his sperm for your creation, he has done his duty in life. A dad is someone who gets up every day and does whatever he can to put a roof over your head, clothes on your back and food on your table. He might have to dig ditches, flip hamburgers, deliver pizzas, and work in a factory— or all of the above. He might not own a suit and tie. He teaches the value of hard work not because he’s looking for help mowing the lawn, but because he knows idleness leads to trouble. He realizes his job is to make his children productive citizens, and to do that, he can’t always be his child’s friend - Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

It is hard being a single Dad compared to being a single mom, why would you say this Francis Wairimu?, it is simply from experience when I took care of my two brothers at their tender age and the way I saw my mother doing it easily without looking a tiny bit hard… women have the capability of handling like ten things at a go and fully accomplish them at the given precision, while men, OMG!, they will do only three but one will be a total mess, the other half backed and last one perfect with room for discussion.

That is why men marry to replace their gone spouses and get help with the kids and provide the best way they know for their family. So do not blame us that is how we function. But that does not mean it is cute exaggerating mother’s day compared to father’s day. I have been raised by literally women figures in my life from my mother to aunts to my lovely grandma but it is thanks to them having the best dad that they learnt how to fight and be proud of themselves. In them days and era, a man who sired daughters only with no son was looked down at but he reminded them that there was never a day he regretted or missed that he had a son because he got five awesome girls and wish he was around because those girls turned out to be the best women the world could not do without.

For the few men we can call men, there is a man somewhere who taught them to be the best they are now, positively or negatively (although behind every great man there is a woman) but let us appreciate the few that take care of their family, the ones that life forced fatherhood roles on them especially in cases of single moms where the son resumes the duties of being the provider to that family, the guy who had to drop out of school so that his sister or brother could continue their studies, the men who have gone out of their way to adopt a kid and not because they cannot sire (also the best one for still being a dad to someone) but because they are willing to provide a better life for another human being, upright spiritual dads who teach what is right and condemn the wrong in the most loving way possible with good will at heart, men activist who fight for the respect of the female species, dad who sacrifice their family time to fight for the peace, sanity and freedom of this country and last but not least single women who had to be and still have to be a dad and mom to their sons and daughters. Happy father’s month and day in advance to the 18th of June 2017. “Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a daddy.”

                                                                                                                                       ©Francis Wairimu

Image Courtesy-Google

Let’s explore him

There are four types of individuals and mostly personalities can easily be understood via these traits they hold. As a parent to the boy, wife and friend to the male species, it would be easier to understand them if you had a map or something close to that description sticker that comes with every commodity. I find it my business to help you understand your male spouse, male leader, male mentor, son or father (although the same traits can be same to the female species).

Melancholic. They tend to keep to details, loyal to their duties and the kind that does what is required and rarely will you have an issue with them. They easily express themselves to other and in multitude simply because they tend to prepare themselves before the speech and draft for orderly speech delivery and always feel the need to be accurate/perfectionist. They are mostly introverted which simply means deep in thoughts and rarely confident. Depression easily catches up leading to depression. More

Sanguine. Positive or optimistic especially in bad to difficult situations. They find it easy to express themselves, Extroverts, but not easily trustworthy because of being too open and are dependent on company due to the fact to being outspoken and always getting into other people conversations uninvited. More

Phlegmatic. Serious and modest. Scandals or wrong doing is not in any part of their vocabulary for they avoid disputes which also makes them heavy thinkers before any decision is made. Unlike sanguine they adapt slowly to new surroundings and conditions in relation to friendship too. Most of them are introverts and are also reliable hence making awesome friends. They need constant reminders of their capabilities since they might tend to undermine themselves. More  

Choleric. You remember that guy who is always bad tempered or always grumpy or should I use my former lectures special world *cantankerous*, high chances are he can be identified as choleric and sadly most men are under this group. They are mostly money minded, poetry and works of art. They make thriving individuals since they invest in themselves and most find work as fun. They make goals and strive to achieve them, fixate on one thing and rarely note other issues affecting them unnoticed. Something to note about them, they are logical and come out rude since they are straightforward and rarely have time to repeat what seems as the obvious. More

With these few pointers and links to more in respect to the authors who own the copyright and special thanks to their capabilities and skills, now you know your opposites ladies and should take it upon yourself to learn on how to treat them in regards to what you might term as short comings ad strengths. Never compare be it a boy or a man but embrace their diversity.

                                                                                                                                     ©Francis Wairimu

Image Courtesy